Well once again our Gonzo Guide Larry Harris outdid himself developing an Eyeopener Tour of the Upper Midwest that will no doubt make it into the Eyeopener Hall of Fame, located in a secret grotto modeled after the masterpieces of Frank Lloyd Wright, Louis Sullivan and Fred Smith, built by midwestern gnomes who maintain this sacred space and where the few, lucky participants who make this annual pilgrimage to the whimsical world where our acknowledged leader communicates with the denizens who inhabit it can receive perpetual redemption.

It started big and then went from arithmetic increases in the "Wow Factor" to geometric rises in the "Holy cow can you believe that?" The best quote of the tour and the one that says it all after visiting some of America's greatest architecture by our greatest architects was "I will never look at a building the same way ever again!"

Blasting off at the eyeopening hour of 5:15 A.M., our rugged little band hopped a flight to Minneapolis, capital of the Land of the Wind Chill Factor. Apparently one piece of luggage preferred the climate of Honolulu and took off on its own. Fortunately it was recaptured and 48 hours later was escorted to the Comfort Inn to be reunited with its owner.

Our first stop was for an exotic lunch of elk, bison, caribou and venison at Cabela's, an outdoorsman's paradise of trophy animal heads and bodies that if alive would fill the San Diego zoo. Then it was off to the fantastic National Farmer's Bank of Owatonna, Minnesota. This architectural jewel was designed by Chicago architect Louis Sullivan in 1909. It is known as a "Jewel Box" and anyone who sees it knows why.

Next was Algona, Iowa for a tour of another Louis Sullivan building, The Land and Loan Office (1913). While not on the grand scale of the Owatonna bank (that had an unlimited budget) it shows what Sullivan could do with just a few dollars of the client's money. Along the way we glimpsed hundreds of giant wind turbines spinning in the fields. There was a distinct resemblance to the Martian UFOs from H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds. Then we chowed down on some great grub at the Sour Grapes Bistro in Mason City, Iowa. Following lunch we took a driving tour of the Prairie School Architecture of Mason City, then it was back on the highway to the Bily Clock Museum of Spillville, Iowa. Brothers Frank and Joseph spent the freezing Midwest winters carving incredible wooden clocks from 1913 until 1964. There are clocks with themes including History of Travel, Parade of Nations, Apostles, American Pioneer History, Charles Lindberg and so forth. They all still keep perfect time. As the day was fading we stopped in to visit with chain-saw artist Dan Slaughter of McGregor, Iowa. His yard is filled with hundreds of life-sized carved figures of Elvis, Jolly Green Giant, Betty Boop, Abe Lincoln, space aliens, etc. Participants opened their wallets and we had the company the Tin Man of Oz, Sponge Bob and a girl skipping rope for the balance of the trip.

On the morning of the fourth day we were once again greeted with overcast skies but a little nasty weather wasn't going to stop this bunch. Like the post office our motto includes fearing neither wind nor rain nor snow nor tornados nor hurricanes nor inept docents or getting the bus stuck in the middle of nowhere. We began with a short tour of historic downtown Winona, Minnesota. Unfortunately, it was Sunday and all the stores were closed so our plan to shoplift stuff in honor of the town's most famous citizen came to naught. Even with Larry's skilled planning (Field Marshall Erwin Rommel didn't have to solve this many logistical problems during the entire North African Campaign) not every little detail works out. Our luxury coach crosses the "Mighty Missip" (thankfully we refrained from singing Old Man River) and we are back in Wisconsin heading for Paul and Matilda Wegner's Grotto near the tiny town of Cataract. This peaceful little country site was build by the Wegners between 1929 and 1942. It contains a small chapel, a wedding cake, pulpit, ocean liner, stars, hearts and an American flag. Paul and Matilda used rocks, shells, arrowheads, gunpowder casings, tile, wood, concrete and glass, lots and lots of glass, in the construction of the grotto.

Day five was blessed with bright sunlight as we headed back to Minneapolis for a visit to Frank Lloyd Wright's Willey House. This commission produced the famous Wright quote "Hosanna! A client!!" The Great Depression and his scandalous private life resulted in him having no business since 1929. But in 1933 Malcolm Willey, a professor at the University of Minnesota wrote Wright asking the great master if he could design a house costing no more than $8,000. Desperate for a commission he accepted the challenge and the granddaddy of the Usonian house was born. What was special about our visit is that the home is under restoration so we got to see how Wright actually constructed the framework. A drive through downtown showcased the Frederick R. Weisman Art Museum (Frank Gehry - 1993), Foshay Tower (1929), IDS Center (Philip Johnson - 1972) and Wells Fargo Center (Cesar Pelli - 1988). Then it was Allen Christian's House of Balls. He is a sculptor who carves old bowling balls into amazing art forms. Allen also is handy with a welding torch, producing wild sculpture, and a plasma cutter that he uses to transform pots and pans into art.